Kanal Pepat Suara

worry not about the source, its a random pic from internet I remember many many sleepless night and lousy day back in my young day. I remember when I get mad easily and yelled at my mother like she's the one who should took all the responsibilities of my problem. I can't even remember if there's any fine day when I spoke or showed an affection to her back there. Since my mother died, I'm contemplating too much, I spend too many time of feeling guilty and worthless. I've become so sensitive and worrying if there's any chance of me hurting or taking people for granted. Its all because she's gone before I even realize that its too late to ask for a forgiveness and say that I love her. Such a lovely feeling to have, eh? I think its my own way to redeem every glance of mistake that I've made before.  And by far, a year gone and I'm still grieving about it. Forgiving is a hard thing to do, its like allowing people to hurt you, like s...

Limbo, taken from here I feel like I wanna write so many things on blog lately since I had barely no where to shout. I had few close friends but they're still human with tons of problem and I had to put them first before me so our curhat session always ended up with me, listening and nurturing them with my wisdom craps. The thing is, I don't know what I feel now. I'm 'skipping' Hari Raya this year simply because I don't feel like I want to celebrate it. I feel like I'm not worth enough to jump into the crowd and mass euphoria. So I spend my hari raya by eating Indomie Soto Ayam and watching television alone while my father and the rest of my family celebrating it in another province.  I think I'm depressed. I know its so damn exaggerated but I think I am. I can't feel anything anymore. I'm not sad but I'm not happy, I don't feel like I'm in an excruciating life but I'm constantly feel like I need more sleep, I need mo...

Membaca gejala dari jelaga Kemarau sedang terik teriknya. Gersang dan hawa panas di siang hari disusul malam gigil yang menggeretakkan gigi kala menempuh perjalanan mencari sahur sudah menjadi hal biasa beberapa minggu belakangan. Ramadhan menemui puncaknya, tiga hari jelang lebaran. Saya paling jago soal ini: Menerka nerka. Sudah menjadi kebiasaan bagi saya untuk mengambil jeda dari pikuk rutin seharian dan tepekur, memikirkan soal apa saja yang telah terjadi dan apa yang terlewat untuk dilakukan. Semata agar besok saya tidak mengulangi hal hal yang tidak selayaknya diulangi, meminimalisir perasaan sesal, atau memenuhi janji yang terlewat di hari itu lalu introspeksi. Sisanya membaca gejala, menerka nerka soal apa yang ingin semesta beritahukan pada saya saat hal hal tidak biasa terjadi. Kehilangan kunci motor, air kamar mandi yang luber hingga dua hari, komputer yang lupa dimatikan, dompet tertinggal hingga kematian mama.  Gejala gejala tidak biasa yang s...